I Need Someone to Kill Twitter

Friday Recommendations: The Twelfth

The only bird I want to hit my apartment window

Since Monday morning, I have been caught up in three (3) distinct Twitter feuds. As with all fights on the app, I choose to believe that I was objectively in the right for all of them and started none of them.

Is this true? I have no idea (at least about starting the fights — I maintain I am correct at all times).

Threads, the Instagram-backed competitor to Twitter launched this week. By my count, that makes it roughly the thirteen thousandth competing app. Yeah guys, I’m sure this one will put the nail in the coffin.

I’ll admit that I’m somewhat tempted by Threads. The problem is that it carries over your Instagram followers. I do not need that sort of cross-pollination in my social media, thank you very much. Last thing I want is random Insta gays from Grindr suddenly seeing my endless tweets about Toronto municipal politics and Emily in Paris. A real attractive combination. Where is the mystique?

When all these alternatives started cropping up, I really thought it was over for the bird app. I’ve been on there for over a decade now. But it turns out I am not just a Twitter user. I am in its thrall. I do not want to be there, but every day I return on hands and knees, begging to be served some blood-boiling literary drama.

What I’ve learned is that it will take more than a competent competing app to end Twitter for me. One of us has to die. I’d prefer it not be me, but beggars can’t be choosers. Only when it’s a desolate wasteland of blue checks and porn bots will I finally close the app for the final time, breathe a sigh of relief, and be dragged to hell where I belong.

Now, everyone gather round and hear me preach. I have recommendations for you.

Follow Friday

• First up this week is the most recent post from

  Anne T. Donahue
  who wrote this excellent piece about the passage of time and “Thriver’s Guilt” which is an immensely helpful term that I had never heard before. I’ll also add that she is the author of a fantastic book of essays called Nobody Cares that you should check out if you get a chance.

Thriver's Guilt

• This article by

  BDM
  examining the way Taylor Swift writes about men for women is one of the best breakdowns of her lyrical prowess I’ve read in some time, and I’m recommending it here in honour of her Speak Now TV release.

Taylor Swift studies, contd.

Music

• “I Can See You” by Taylor Swift. Sorry guys, I had to do it. The album is out today! I’ve said before that I consider Jack Antonoff a personal enemy, and he’s the producer on this track. But this song is unlike anything Swift has released before. If you’re a hater, I’d suggest checking this one out.

• “Float” by Janelle Monae. Monae’s new album is an improvement on her last project, even though it’s missing the clear pop standout of “Make Me Feel” off Dirty Computer. But The Age of Pleasure from front to back is the poolside album of the summer. Sunny day, Aperol spritz, and a big ol’ sunhat. I feel like maybe I’ve recommended this before. If so, please ignore me.

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This is all I have to recommend this week. In terms of television, I watched Flack, but I don’t think I can quite suggest you watch it. Season one was solid, but it felt far worse in season two.

Have a wonderful weekend folks! Stream Speak Now TV, I guess.